Friday
Jan202017
The Inaugural Speech You Missed
On Wednesday, Donald Trump tweeted this picture of himself, above the message, “Writing my inaugural address at the Winter White House, Mar-a-Lago, three weeks ago. Looking forward to Friday. #Inauguration.”:
Twitter users found plenty to mock about the photo. Mostly they found it unbelievable, because it was. A guy, a Sharpie, a blank legal pad and a statue of an eagle? That's it? No notes? No reference books? No WIPs? Well, no, there wouldn't be, because the desk in the pic isn't one that Trump would actually use. Rather, it "appears to be one usually occupied by an administrative or hospitality professional — a receptionist or concierge, maybe — in a public hall at Mar-a-Lago, and not in a private office." So if you believe Trump's tweet, then you believe he wrote his inaugural speech, from scratch, while sitting out in the hall helping Mar-a-Lago guests find the route to Neiman's on Worth Avenue.
BTW, here's what #realDonaldTrump's #realdesk looks like:
And for the record, this is what an actual president looks like when he's writing a speech. He is not wearing a suitcoat, and he has three aides, working from computers & dead-tree notes, to help him refine the message:
President Obama and his staff work on a speech he delivered December 15, 2015, during a naturalization ceremony at the National Archives. White House photo.According to Trump's spokesman Sean Spicer, Trump has watched some previous inaugural speeches and spoken with historians about those speeches. Although Spicer had previously said Trump would rely on the assistance of speechwriter Stephen Miller, historian Douglas Brinkley met with Trump at Palm Beach in December and reported that Trump "was intent on drafting the entirety of the speech himself, with input from his team." Whatever that means. One thing Trump discussed with Brinkley was the speech of William Henry Harrison, which was the longest inaugural speech in American history, delivered on a cold day. Harrison died of pneumonia a month later. Trump told Brinkley he planned to keep his speech short.
Since we know that Trump has been studying up on the inaugural speeches of former presidents, and since many Reality Chex readers will be tuned to the Weather Channel all day today, I decided to let you in on this draft of Trump's speech, not plagiarized in the Trump family tradition, but borrowing heavily on the remarks of Mr. Trump's predecessors, albeit with the necessary adaptations (and grammatical misconstructions) to better reflect Trump's own worldview.
My fellow Americans, we are provincials once again. The tragic events of eight years of poverty, crime-infested communities, terrorism in our cities, tens of thousands of Mexican rapists and drug dealers at large, able-bodied men unable to find jobs, and a president who founded ISIS, have made us turn against each other. There can be no turning back.(1) We have reached a higher degree of turmoil and insecurity than ever existed before in the history of the world.(2) In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.(3)
With malice toward all, with charity for none, with firmness in right-wing ideology, as God gives white people, let us strive on to undo the work of the previous administration, to open up the nation's wounds.(4) Then, this once-great nation will be great again, will revive and will prosper, because I alone can fix it.(5) There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by me.(6)
So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing you have to fear is Donald Trump, which is me, who has an enemies list.(5) Much has been given me, and I will rightfully expect much from you. You have duties to me and you must not shirk them.(7) Ask not what I can do for you – ask what you can do for me. My fellow citizens of the world: Ask not what America will do for you, but what you can do together to enrich my family and me. Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, you my loyal poorly-educated supporters will pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, oppose friend and foe alike – except Russia, for reasons only I know and will reveal next Tuesday or Wednesday – in order to assure the survival and continued success of the Trump dynasty, including my daughter Ivanka, who is very hot.(8)
Let us, then, fellow citizens, punch liberals, reporters and my other enemies in the face. Let us reflect that, having banished from our land religious tolerance, we have yet gained little if we countenance political tolerance for our enemies like Crooked Hillary who I beat badly in a landslide, Pocahontas Warren and talk-talk-talk John Lewis. We must return anew to despotic, wicked governance steeped in bitter and bloody persecutions.(9) Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America in my image, for my benefit.(10)
Fellow-citizens, being fully invested with that high office to which my countrymen have called me, I now take leave of you. You will bear with you to your homes the remembrance of the pledge I have this day given to discharge all the high duties of my exalted station which I will exploit to the best of my abilities, and you shall wonder in awe why I am breaking that solemn pledge even as I speak.(11) God bless the President of the United States.
(1) We are provincials no longer. The tragic events of the 30 months of vital turmoil through which we have just passed have made us citizens of the world. There can be no turning back. -- Woodrow Wilson, March 5, 1917
(2) We have reached a higher degree of comfort and security than ever existed before in the history of the world. -- Herbert Hoover, March 4, 1929
(3) In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. -- Ronald Reagan, January 20, 1981 (No editing required.
(4) With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds. --Abraham Lincoln, March 4, 1865
(5) This great nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt, March 4, 1933
(6) There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America. -- Bill Clinton, January 20, 1993
(7) Much has been given us, and much will rightfully be expected from us. We have duties to others and duties to ourselves; and we can shirk neither. --Theodore Roosevelt, March 4, 1905
(8) My fellow Americans: Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: Ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.... Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” -- John F. Kennedy, January 20, 1961
(9) Let us, then, fellow citizens, unite with one heart and one mind. Let us restore to social intercourse that harmony and affection without which liberty and even life itself are but dreary things. And let us reflect that, having banished from our land that religious intolerance under which mankind so long bled and suffered, we have yet gained little if we countenance a political intolerance as despotic, as wicked, and capable of as bitter and bloody persecutions. -- Thomas Jefferson, March 4, 1801
(10) Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.” -- Barack Obama, January 20, 2009
(11) Fellow-citizens, being fully invested with that high office to which the partiality of my countrymen has called me, I now take an affectionate leave of you. You will bear with you to your homes the remembrance of the pledge I have this day given to discharge all the high duties of my exalted station according to the best of my ability, and I shall enter upon their performance with entire confidence in the support of a just and generous people. -- William Henry Harrison, March 4, 1841
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Reader Comments (8)
We are most grateful for that snatched speech obtained by our very own CW who, I imagine, procured this piece of flapdoodle by sneaking into DJT's private quarters disguised as a night watchwoman (CW's expertise at becoming whomever she desires to be was learned at the knee of her grandmother who discovered one afternoon in the attic that she came from a monarchy). Given the contents of this speech we can conclude that life as we know it is going to end when those tiny hands are placed on a book considered to be Holy while John Roberts, with a wink and a nod, swears one DJT to be the leader of the free world. Afterwards we will get to hear (unless, of course, we are tuned to weather channels) this purloined paper known as an inauguration speech. Or as our esteemed R.C. contributor might call it, this Je na sais quoi stylisticky thingy.
Oh, happy days.
That photo of the scumbag at his desk just screams ADHD.
He looks like a wax figure in that picture. A pissed off, evil looking wax figure.
Does he think that permanent scowl makes him look presidential? Or tough? Really, it makes him look like he's permanently constipated. But then we all knew that Trumpy is always full of shit. (I know....that one was too easy).
Weather channel, weather channel...
Ak, you're right. Easily mistaken for one of Madame Tussaud's!
It's useful to be reminded on this dark day that civilization will go on despite the efforts of a thoroughly uncivilized, orange headed ignoramus to elbow it off the stage of world history.
Michael Tomasky, in the Daily Beast, reminds us that Trump stands for nothing but himself: "He thinks the Department of Justice and the Fourteenth Amendment should serve one thing: Trump. That’s it. He has no theories about them. Surely no American is naïve or self-deluding enough to think that Trump has ever read a book about the Department of Justice or the Fourteenth Amendment. It’s doubtful he’s ever read a newspaper article about either. They, and all our laws and branches of government, have no meaning to him, except, now, as instruments that can serve Trump."
We are stuck for at least four years with this narcissistic fool, barring a well deserved (already well deserved) impeachment, a highly unlikely eventuality given the craven, black-hearted Confederates who now find themselves with the keys to the car, a full tank of gas, and no adult supervision. It will be, as Tomasky suggests, our trial by fire.
In 1842, Italy was undergoing it's own trial by fire. The forces of unification were hoping to release parts of the country from control by foreign governments. Giuseppe Verdi, a patriot (but not a Trump style nationalist), wrote, as part of his third opera, "Nabucco" a chorus in which exiled Jews, now enslaved in Babylonia, sing with longing of returning to their homeland, and for their "...country, so beautiful and lost." The chorus hit a national nerve and became justly famous as a rallying cry for Italian patriots. At Verdi's funeral, years after unification was realized, the hundreds of thousands lining the streets of Milan broke into spontaneous song, singing this chorus, "Va, pensiero".
We, like the exiled Israelites, now have to work our way back to our homeland, to wrest control of our beautiful country from the clutches of a greedy, pig-eyed clown and release the nation from the influence of the foreign power that helped install him in the White House.
In the meantime, we need not forget that the great gifts of civilization and the efforts of civilized women and men cannot be overturned so easily by this thug and his gang of racists, thieves, and bullies.
("Va Pensiero" lyrics and translation)
Smiles will be few and far, far between today, but here's a little tidbit that elicited at least a couple last evening.
Irish bookmaker Paddy Power has set up an online betting site at which anyone inclined to do so can bet on what shade of orange Donaldo's face will be today.
Will it be tangelo? Burnt orange? Saffron? Pumpkin? Carrot? I myself would go for month-old shit stain, but that's me.
You can also check out the odds on a Trumpy impeachment (4 to 1 right now).
Trump will tweet at this guy later. The leader of free world is not going to take this crap lying down! No sirree-bob. National security can wait, dammit! President Shit Stain has someone to insult.
Thus endeth the first republic
Akhilleus' reference to Verdi's "Nabucco" made me think, for the first time in years, of Boney M's "Rivers of Babylon."
I was out of the US for the 80's, and am of the impression that Boney M never made it big here. But out in the 3rd world they were superstars, and "Rivers" was a big hit. Lots of people can relate to exile.