A History of Trump in Twelve Objects
By Akhilleus
This weekend I spent a few glorious hours happily rummaging through a book with the irresistible title "A History of the World in 100 Objects". The objects selected hold special places as landmarks in our march, as a species, from brutish existence to civilization. Included are a stone age ice axe, a ceremonial box from the legendary city of Ur, a Han Dynasty lacquer cup, the Rosetta Stone, and a print of a rhinoceros made by the great Albrecht Dürer.
Then I got to thinking that we now have a front row seat as the Confederate Party and their candidate turn back the clock, zooming back from civilized behavior to club wielding cave dwellers intent on braining their neighbors if they get too close to the puddle they use for drinking water.
And wondering if there were any significant artifacts and landmarks that have marked the way backwards, I hit upon an idea for a very different kind of exhibit:
A history of Trump in twelve objects (because ten is just not good enough for Trump)
1. Medal for best made bed. When not prancing around a phony parade ground in a War of 1812 uniform, Donaldo did an excellent job of tucking in the sheets on his bed. This is the crucial experience he will call upon in later years as proof of his claim that he does so know what it's like to be in the military. Good job, General Donnie. But watch that pillow case!
2. Stack of Chapter 11 filings and pink slips representing the thousands investors who lost their shirts and former employees who lost their jobs because of Trump's incompetence as a "deal maker".
3. Full page NY Daily News ad taken out promoting the execution of five young black men for a crime of which they were innocent.
4. Salami and provolone sandwich still in the wrapper. A gift from Vinnie "Big Balls" (no last name), Trump's contact for business dealings with the mob to "keep things moving" on his development projects. *
4. Scale model of Mexican Wall. Kept in his 20,000 sq. ft. luxury penthouse, where he moves little figurines around in front of the wall, giving them a cheesy Speedy Gonzales accent in which they beg Donaldo to let them come in so they can rape some white women, por favor, Señor Trumpe.
6. Purple Heart. Unearned. Taken from a veteran who put his life on the line to receive it. Trump chuckled that he'd always wanted one of those, but sure was glad he didn't have to get wounded to receive one, as he grinned and pocketed the medal.
7. Legal agreement with the Justice Department, signed by Trump preventing Trump and his father from further “discriminating against any person in the terms, conditions, or privileges of sale or rental of a dwelling", the successful result of Fair Housing Act violations suit brought against the Trumps for refusing to rent to black families.
8. Орден Ленина: The Order of Lenin, for services rendered to the Russian State. Putin had a bunch of leftovers and guessed that Donaldavich, being so fond of medals (the bed making, the Purple Heart, etc) would love it. This one he actually earned.
9. Diploma from Trump University. Fake diploma from scam university set up to fleece the gullible. Trump in a nutshell.
10. A Trump tie, made in China so as not to provide a single job for Americans. Could this be how China is beating us?
11. Tarnished Miss Universe tiara, symbol of Trump's bona fides as an expert in foreign policy. "Now, over here is Miss Ukraine. Whoa, nice rack, baby. Come show Uncle Don."
12. Gold plated flush handle from the toilet on a Trump Shuttle plane. The fabulously successful shuttle service went out of business 18 months after Trump took over. Cue toilet flushing sound.
Feel the magic, America.
Exhibit will remain open until election day.
* CW Note: Good thing the panino is still in the wrapper. Otherwise, we couldn't be sure the ingredients came from mob-controlled distributors.
Reader Comments (3)
Excellent work. Just excellent.
There's a reason authoritarians (looking at you , Donald) have no sense of humor and go after satirists so savagely.
Akhilleus, you never disappoint ~ what a fertile brain you have!!! Your postings are beyond wonderful and I relish the time I spend reading them, along with a nice cup of tea. I am pleased with your enlarged presence on Reality Chex ~ thank you!
I think you should add the ironic touch re the purple heart, that he only accepted the medal after he asked to be sure it was the real medal, and not a copy.