A Love Letter from S. Pruitt
Dear Marlyn,
You may not remember me ha ha but I am your loving husband. I have been so busy traveling the world – which will be the last time ever because I am doing everything I can to like drown the whole planet. Remember when we were young & you said you wanted to climb the highest mountains in the world?? Well, we can do it now. In fact, we'll have no choice.
Speaking of when we were young, do you remember that time we did it in a phone booth? Those were the days!!! But you should see the phone booth I've got now. It cost $43,000! Don't worry, you don't have to get out the checkbook. Average Americans got together and paid for it. It's right in my office, believe it or not. And the office doors lock! A great place for fun and games, if you know what I mean hint hint. But knowing you, you'll probably want to kick out the security guards who stand around 24-7 to protect me from riff-raff like the office staff.
Anyhow, I'm in a place called Bologna now, but I can't stay long. Can you believe the Italians named a city after baloney? Either they have a great sense of humor or they're a very backward “civilization.” If the narrow streets here are any clue, I'd guess “backward.” But the restaurants are way good if you like Italian. No baloney! ha ha.
I don't know about this government job. I have to take military transports practically every time I go someplace.
Oops! Wrong picture. I mean this one.
Sometimes I take regular planes. I get to ride up front because I'm the boss & my guards and stuff have to ride in the back in these teensy little seats with their knees poking into the seats in front. You should come with me some time. First-class all the way of course. A guy I know named Dave Shulkin who has a job like mine – but not as important – took his wife on holiday to Europe & he said the government paid for their trip, too – no problem! He said he got an award for it.
Well, have to get to an important meeting with the President of the United States.*
Till next time – hopefully in a luxury phone booth,
Your husband,
s/Scotty
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Reader Comments (3)
Dearest Scotty,
As much as I harbor fond memories of our little "weenie in the poke" romantic interludes while jammed in a phone booth I'm distressed that you might think I don't remember you. Granted, you have been absent from our home for many a day––oh, let's make that many months–-but your scent lingers on, my love, and try as I may to wipe it away it refuses to disappear. Apparently you are under the impression that I––we–-miss you; nothing could be further from the truth. Since you took on the job to ruin our planet I have lost all the faith I once had that you would save those mountains you say we could climb. I never did cotton to your arrogance, mister, but this takes the cake! So––this missive is just to inform you that you can continue to fly about on the government's dime but know the door to your home is locked for good. I bid you farewell and doubt seriously you will fare well in whatever you pursue and for my money, that ain't no baloney!
Once yours in a phone booth,
Marlyn
@PD Pepe: Hilarious! I laughed out loud. Would that Mrs. Pruitt really had the guts to tell it like it is, as you did.
My thanks, too, PD. You took it and ran with it in a delightful direction.
Glad to see that Marlyn has seen the light, but the same question that I have with any woman who has seen the Pretender naked rises here.
What in the world was the matter with than woman in the first place?
It is to cringe.