I Fall to Pieces
In case you haven't noticed, my efforts here have become more and more abbreviated. I'm working under terrific time constraints, not much helped by the fact that my Internet connection is not. I hope that beginning about a week from now, I'll begin doing a better job. In the meantime, I'm having an awful time. My latest catastrophe is comical -- or at least I'll think so in retrospect -- but right now feels extremely consequential.
Meanwhile, the comments to Reality Chex have been a great help -- not just the links some of you have provided, which are much appreciated -- but the jokes!
Yesterday, a realtor came to my house. He noticed the chop saw on the porch & said, "Oh, I see you have someone helping you with the fixing-up." "No," sez I, "That's my chopsaw. I was installing baseboard in the dining room." Nonetheless, as a feminist, I must say that there are times it is essential to have a man around the house. Which I don't. I need a fella today.
Also, the people at McDonalds are signing Christian songs this morning. Lovely. Maybe we need some swell atheist hymns, so I could interrupt a la "Casablanca":
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Speaking of jokes: "How to Tell a Joke at a Funeral,
Bill Cosby and Bill Clinton both give a brief guide to bringing levity to the world's toughest crowd.
See:http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/how-to-tell-a-joke-at-a-funeral-1?click=feed
Reminded me some years ago when my middle brother died, we followed in the procession of the hearse as it move through town to the cemetery. Afterward, I commented to my younger brother, "Well, I guess that wasn't the first time Dave went through a red light."
Kid brother: "Yeah, but Dave never went that slowly!"
CW: good luck with the installation! I'm impressed. (I once owned a circular saw intending to do little jobs around the house—it was easier to find a handyman! Sometimes, it not so necessary being an independent feminist!)
Marie,
You make my Monday's travails seem as, to use your word, inconsequential as I knew they were at the time. But I do understand, as we often note here, knowing and feeling are not the same thing at all.
Judging from my inability on Monday to do anything right at the apartment I was working in--a little plumbing, a little electrical work, a well-hidden electrical panel, multiple trips to the hardware store, the wrong key, a forgotten tool--I am definitely not the man you need to have around the house today. Tho' yesterday went much better, I'd still worry--as, in the subjunctive world I'm creating, should you--I might chop the wrong thing.
The main thought: You and RC are immensely valued; on my part, admired as well. If you need a day or two off, take them. We don't want you to fall to pieces. The same nonsense will still be there when you get back, awaiting your sharp comments and informed perspective.
Imitate the Righties just a little: take care of yourself first.
Hang in there, Marie. I gather you moved out of Florida? I hope you landed in a blue state. It isn't easy being on your own, I know. (Not from experience, yet...) It sounds like you are an intrepid feminist, which the "good" folk at McDonald's do not appreciate. I went through two managers at one once, in Virginia, trying to get them to understand that Fox did NOT have to be on their teevee...they were willing to turn to a local show or Fox Lite (CNN--) but perplexed that anyone would even ask them to turn... kept saying, No one's ever asked us about this-- I have also left shops who broadcast Christian music-- leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. However, I used to buy Mary Kay from an evangelical in my neighborhood... so we have to pick the hill we are going to die on-- there are so many! Hope things improve for you-- can't do without my read of your column daily.
Jeanne
@ Marie; like a bicycle needs a fish... I got some skills, wish I could help. I'm guessing, unlike Jeanne Pitz, you're still doing pick up on the old house rather than trimming out the new. Why do I guess that?
The real estate agent stopped by. If you were in your new house the real estate agent would not stop by after the commission was cashed.
Remember; long runs first, inside miters before outside miters. On really long runs of trim cut the two end miters first and then join the two sticks with a 45 degree lap. Mark the wall studs before nailing and only nail the trim where you marked the studs, anymore and you are adding to the work by too many nail holes to putty, two nails per stud. Let's make noise.
@MAG; just a little joke;
Successful business woman walked out of a coffee shop and saw the following; two funereal hearses slowly moving down the street followed by the grieving widow dressed in black walking behind with a large pit bull on a leash, followed by twenty to thirty women walking in single file. The woman wondered about the strange procession and asked one of the woman as she passed by.
The woman responded, " The two hearses are carrying the widow's husband and mother-in-law. The widow came home to find her pit bull had attacked and killed her husband and when the mother-in-law came to his aid the pit killed her too."
The business woman said, "That's a terrible story...wonder if I could borrow the pit bull?"
The woman in the street said, "Get in line."
Patsy was a Goddess! Sometimes hoping tomorrow comes quickly isn't a bad thing, Cheers!
Oh well, if we're gonna do death humor...
My dad was a big fan of funny epitaphs. Here's a few of his favorites:
Ma loved Pa
Pa loved women
Ma caught Pa
With two in swimmin'
Here lies Pa
Died of a cold. Nothing serious.
Went to sleep fine. Woke up dead.
My personal favorite is GB Shaw's. Shaw, who died in his 90's, has this (so I've always heard) on his headstone:
I knew if I stayed around long enough, something like this would happen.
Dark humor of a different sort. Here is another example of the US "Shock Doctrine" at work. Robert Parry (of course) on the US, Russia, Ukraine, accompanied by the well-practiced chorus of MSM, licking the shoes of power.
http://readersupportednews.org/opinion2/277-75/24062-focus-ukraine-the-only-standards-are-double-standards
TO OUR LADY OF THE MANOR:
For Pete's sake, rather than Christ's, give yourself a break! We are big people here–-we can carry on with bits and pieces until you sell your house (I assume), move somewhere else (where? I bet back to California–-you are accustomed to warmth ) but in a state where they have a liberal governor ( Rick Scott can make anyone fall to pieces) and if I could––and I would––lend you my handy man that can do baseboards, outboards, gardens, plumbing, painting, and at the end of the day read a bit of Shakespeare while you sip a mean martini (or whatever), but since I sleep with this man I'd have to come along just to keep an eye out (or in ,as the case may be). Seriously––be kind to yourself––shut the site down for awhile until you get yourself together–-OR as I said before, let us "talk among ourselves"––we can search for links––you'all got some loquacious ladies and gents here to pick up the slack. However you decide how to handle this know that we are with you whatever you decide to do. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say you need to do what is best for you––not for us. Take care of yourself.
Do what you need to do.
.
I'll gladly wait for you.
Take it easy.
Sincerely,
mae finch
Considering how inept the men in my family are at anything mechanical, I should have tried being gay just for the fixture repair benefits.
Tim Egan has a piece re the Tea Party. I try to add a little levity in my comment: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/06/opinion/egan-tea-party-dead-enders.html?comments#permid=11965263
Marie, you may not realize how appreciated you are. Go do what's necessary. We'll amuse ourselves pending your safe return.
Marie, I wish I had a joke for you, but all I've got is an invite to revisit your alma mater in Madison and know I owe you a room, just down the street, for your visit as a recompense for the many mornings I have spent reading your columns and the comments of my internet buddies.
Be well, best of luck with the fix ups, and know that we'll be here when you have more time.
Do you think we are a bunch of pansies? We'll wait for you!
Unfortunately, there's not a god damn thing that I think is funny these days and any advice I would share would probably only annoy you.
I've come up short again. You never do. And take it easy with that damn saw!