Yiddish Curses For Jews Who Vote Republican
Ophelia M. passed along the following in Saturday's Comments. She got it from a friend, which is one of the ways the jokes have found their way into the light. Before republishing Ophelia's comment, I looked for the jokes' provenance. They seem to have many mothers & fathers, all of them anonymous. Paul Krugman published a few lines some while back, along with a link to others, but Krugman's "original" got disappeared. So thanks to Ophelia & all you Anonymous Wits. And Curses, Republicans! -- Constant Weader
May you be reunited in the world to come with your ancestors, who were all socialist garment workers.
May you have a large store, and have it all dismantled by vulture capitalists.
May you grow so rich that your widow’s second husband is thrilled they repealed the estate tax.
May you feast every day on chopped liver with onions, chicken soup with dumplings, baked carp with horseradish, braised meat with vegetable stew & latkes, and may every bite of it be contaminated with E. Coli, because the government gutted the E.P.A.
May you sell everything and retire to Florida just as global warming makes it uninhabitable.
May you have a rare disease and need an operation that only one surgeon in the world, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Medicine, is able to perform. And may he be unable to perform it because he doesn’t take your insurance. And may that Nobel Laureate be your son.
May your state outlaw the morning-after pill the day before your daughter returns home from the NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth) convention.
May your son be elected President, and may you have no idea what you did with his goddamn birth certificate.
May the state of Arizona expand their definition of 'suspected illegal immigrants' to 'anyone who doesn't hunt.'
May you live to a hundred and twenty without Social Security or Medicare.
May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground, and then may that ground be fracked.
May you make a fortune, and lose it all in one of Sheldon Adelson's casinos.
May your child give his Bar Mitzvah speech on the genius of Ayn Rand.
May your insurance company decide constipation is a pre-existing condition.
May God give you a daughter-in-law who is as kind as she is beautiful, as patient as she is rich, as wise as she is devoted: a virtuous woman in every way. And then may a ballot initiative invalidate her marriage to your Rebecca.
May the secretary you're schtupping depend on Planned Parenthood for her birth control.